5 Ways to Stop Caring What Other People Think of You

Are you holding yourself back from something because you are scared what people will think?

Do you desire to show up more as your authentic self?

Do you think people will talk negatively about you if you make any sort of changes to your lifestyle or appearance? 

Same. It is something that I’ve done since early childhood. And it's something I still work on today.

Fun fact: I’m actually a lowkey psychology nerd and was once thisclose to becoming a psychologist myself. So when I am not photographing, I am usually learning about how to strengthen my mindset or help clients improve theirs - I 1000% believe this is a key to life. 

So there are two effects that I would like to point out here cause most likely they are happening to you. I'm also going to tell you how to reframe these mindsets into something more beneficial for you. 

The first one is The Fishbowl Effect. Basically we experience life in a sort of fishbowl. Our experience is separated from others and we feel that everyone is looking at us in our little fishbowl. The problem is that it's not a totally accurate view because we cannot experience anyone else’s fishbowl. We are only truly aware of our own experience which includes our emotions, stories, etc.

The second is called the Spotlight Effect. This is sort of the same thing in that we humans tend to live our lives thinking there's a spotlight on us and everyone is watching us, judging us, scrutinizing how we look, what we wear and what we say. 

But the truth is that the scrutiny is only coming from ourselves.

Because everyone in their fishbowl is really only concerned with *their* fishbowl. We think all the other fish are watching us because that is what we see when we look out. But in reality everyone is focused on the same thing…themselves.

We think we have a spotlight on us, where there will be a resounding chorus of “WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?” any time we want to change, grow, or evolve. 
It holds soooo many of us back from stepping into our authentic selves or truly experiencing or celebrating our lives. 

And here’s another psych saying that I'm sure you’ve heard of - “the grass is always greener” - where we think the other person is more fabulous, has less problems, etc. 

So if you're wondering what the heck this has to do with you, I'm about to tell you. 

All of these views are both true and false at the same time. And you can use this to your advantage. 

People aren’t paying as much attention to you as you think, and when they do their viewpoint of you has more to do with them than anything else.

Next time you find yourself holding back because of what will people think, remember this:

No one is watching your fishbowl. They are more concerned with theirs. 

AND if they are watching your fishbowl, they are looking at through a lens of “the grass is greener” 

They think you are more fabulous than you think you are. 

They don't hear your self doubt. 

Just like you don't hear theirs. 

(And if you do catch a hater, just know that they only hatin’ because you are doing something that THEY want to do.) 

I used to think other people didn't have the insecurities that I did. Whether it was someone being proud of their body, or starting their own business or even how they appeared in photos. 

But they did. They still do. We all do. 

The difference is some of us do it anyway. 

And that's what I want for you. 

To stand in the face of your insecurity, your fear of “what will others think” and do the thing that makes you happy. 

Because you will be judged. But not in the way you think. 

Instead of “who does she think she is” it's more like…

“Gosh, I wish I had her courage” 

“I wish I could be proud of my body they way she is” 

I challenge you to try this for yourself. 

Realize this spotlight is only coming from you and no one is staring into your fishbowl. 

So tell me, what are some things you are holding yourself back from doing?

If you didn't think anyone was watching, what would you do?

Or even better, if you knew everyone would cheer you on, what chance would you take?

Is it rocking a crop top?

Is it starting a business or side hustle?

Is it proclaiming yourself as an artist? 

Is it a photoshoot where you embrace your authentic self?

Here are 5 ways to overcome the fear of what other people think:

1. Reframe Your Negative Thoughts

This could be changing a thought like “I’m not good enough” to “I am still growing and learning” or “I always try my best, and that is good enough.”

2. Consider the Illusion of Transparency

Remember, everyone is the center of their own world. So, when it feels like everyone is staring at or scrutinizing you, try to remind yourself that science shows us that they are less aware of your feelings than you assume. This awareness can help you feel less exposed, fostering a sense of ease in everyday situations.

3. Take Someone Else’s Perspective

A study by Macrae et al. (2016) found that imagining an event from a third-person perspective reduced the spotlight effect and feelings of embarrassment. By simply changing one's visual perspective, it's possible to diminish the illusion of personal salience and feel less self-conscious and anxious in social situations. 

For example, imagine you were at a party and you spilled your drink down your shirt. Your initial thought may be: “Oh no, everyone’s staring. They’re all judging me.” However, shifting this to a third-person perspective may look like: “Imagine if the person sitting opposite you right now spilled their drink. Would you judge them? Or would you notice for a brief few seconds before carrying on with your conversation?

4. Practice Present-Moment Awareness

Brief mindfulness-based meditation, as short as 5-15 minutes, has been shown to significantly decrease egocentrism and improve judgment accuracy, particularly in the moment.

Adopting a third-person imagery perspective during mindfulness meditation can also enhance the accuracy of your judgments. This involves considering a current issue or decision you have to make and approaching it as if you’re an outsider looking in. 

For example, if you dropped your pen while giving a presentation, a third-person thought may be, “She dropped her pen in front of a big group of people, but no one seems to have noticed. She’s far more aware of it because she’s nervous.”

5.  Recognize the Positives of Being Uniquely You

You can embrace your individuality by:

• Identifying and jotting down your strengths – all of them!

• Setting yourself a meaningful intention, such as “I will shift my perspective from one of inner criticism to self-compassion and kindness.”

• Surrounding yourself with kind, caring people who lift you up, not bring you down.

• Looking at yourself in the mirror for 5 minutes each morning and thanking your body for all that it does for you.

Sources:

The Social SelfCognitive, Interpersonal and Intergroup Perspectives, 2023

Golubickis, M., Tan, L. B. G., Falben, J. K., and Macrae, C. N. (2016) The observing self: Diminishing egocentrism through brief mindfulness meditation. Eur. J. Soc. Psychol., 46: 521–527.

Macrae, C. N., Mitchell, J. P., McNamara, D. L., Golubickis, M., Andreou, K., Møller, S., Peytcheva, K., Falben, J. K., & Christian, B. M. (2016). Noticing Future Me: Reducing Egocentrism Through Mental Imagery. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 42(7), 855–863.

Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one's own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211–222.